Hello 29!

29.  Today I begin the last year of my twenties.  Whoa.  Today I begin the last year of my twenties.  Sorry...I had to write that twice because it just barely started to soak in the first time I wrote it. 

I'm not big into birthdays.  I don't think I've always been that way but the last several years have just sort of muddled into one another without much pause for age-specific reflection.  Don't get me wrong, I'm B I G on reflection...I just haven't attached an age to it for quite a while.  But this one's hitting me a little different.  I suppose it's because 30 is closer than ever.  Imagine that...time getting closer with time.  Duh.  I'm sure one thing is happening with age...I'm getting a little dumber with each passing year.  I've felt like this has been happening for a while but I'm sure of it now.  I'm either getting dumber about everything or smarter about how little I know about everything.  Does wisdom sometimes cloak itself in a dumb suit?  Oh my goodness...how much can I ramble?  I hope this entire blog doesn't read like this.  Wow.

Alright, back to looking on at the last year of my twenties.  Being that 2013 started just a few weeks ago I had a leg-up on this whole reflection thing.  But today has brought on a simpler picture than the four-tiered, three-point goal pyramid I created to ring in the New Year.  (oh yes, I really did create that...if you struggled with goal setting for the year and would like a template to help guide you, I'd be happy to share :) )  Today has brought on more questions than answers.  Questions like...


       Why do you feel like you have to have a plan for everything?

       Why are you so quick to offer help and so hesitant to ask for/receive it?

       Why do you tend to keep people at an arm's length?

       Why do you feel like you have to have an answer for everything?

       Why do you think you can only share your "best" with people?

       Why do you feel guilty when there's blank space on your calendar?

       Why do you only start something if/when you feel like you'll eventually "perfect" it?

       Why are you so often consumed by tomorrow while you're living in today?


I could openly contemplate the above questions in this blog post and that would be SO comfortable for me...looking to teach and answer instead of just letting things linger.  That would be missing the point.

As I look at 29 and see 30 impatiently peaking over her shoulder, I'm becoming more ok with unanswered questions than I ever have been.  Questions show growth.  Questions show humility.  Questions show hope.  And Lord knows that I need lots more of all three.  So I might not have all the answers right now.  And I may be the world's worst blog rambler...but all of this to say that I'm looking forward to the year to come and while I'll keep my "Type A Goal Pyramid" on my refrigerator, I'll also keep this simple equation as the focus for the year to come...

          seek and love God for who He REALLY is
       + love Nathan and Ali recklessly, deeply, and unconditionally
       + have an open, unhindered, and honest heart toward all people placed in my life
       + trust God with all other details
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       a great way to end my twenties and welcome my thirties


**NOTE (mostly for the grandparents and everyone else who tuned in to this blog to see Ali):  Something's going on with blogger and it's not letting me upload videos or photos :(.  I hope to figure it out quickly and shower you with her cuteness!  And once I do, you can expect much more of that and less of this type of post :).  Love!